Broken Identity

"Do you not realize or understand your own nobility?" ask The Homilies of St. Macarius. "...Each of you has been anointed with the heavenly Chrism, and has become a Christ by grace; each is king and prophet of the heavenly mysteries."

How is it that we have allowed our identity to be so broken. It is easy for me to humbly admit that I am a horrible sinner and don't deserve God's grace, but his love has made me lovable. I have received his name and therefore his identity, but guilt continually pokes its finger in my gut and lets me know that I am so unworthy of that name that I had better not live out of my God given identity. In our world there are many people who shy away from using their last names because of the connotation that comes with it, modern families unashamedly desecrate what used to be so sacred. In the same way Christians have desecrated our name, to the point where many have rejected the title even while embracing the faith, and even more feel like they must apologize for what people bearing thee name Christians have done through the ages. Our father has given us His name, we are to be little messiahs for our world, and we are so confused and broken that there is no end to the search for who we really are.

Too many people spend much of their lives trying to figure out who they are in a narcissistic manner. We were not made to create our identities from within, but to have our identities called out by others. Beginning with our parents, our sense of who we are should be grounded in the affirmational truths others have spoken into our lives; of course this rarely happens. So we struggle through life trying to define ourselves with no help from the people God created to give us that definition. As we turn inward, our identity becomes twisted because we can not see ourselves outside of the way we see others, and so we begin to compare. This leads us to find all of our faults, and to live them out as our identities. We have faults, I have horrible faults, but they are not my identity they are the infection that is eating away at my identity. Who I truly am lies outside of those faults, but because I am sinful I can not see past them. A veil has been pulled over my eyes, and I have closed my ears to those who should be speaking truth into my life. We are sloppy, messy, broken people; walking around blind and deaf. To top it off we are kings living like homeless drug addicts. The veil of sin is so deep and gritty that we can’t see the crown Jesus has given us, and we miss our call to be light and salt in this world. We are prophets of the heavenly mysteries, adopted children of the high King of the Universe. Our identity has been set in gold since before the foundations of the earth and can not be shaken. But instead of wearing our crown we try to cover it up, and we live in shame because we can’t get past the lies in the mirror.

One of my roommates once caught a rattle snake; we named him Cristos like the guy off Desperado. For over a week he tried to feed it mice, but it would just coil up and rattle at us. The snake was so used to the dry and dangerous wild he came from, that he could not trust. His defense mechanisms were so high that he could not receive food from someone else’s hand. In a sense he chose to die of hunger over trusting. Free food was offered, and he hissed out of hatred at it. When we live out of our brokenness we are like that stupid snake, and we will die. We are like a bunch of damn fools pissing on a fortune that is being offered us. But Jesus said he came to bring life and life abundantly. He has given us a new name, a chance to live out the true light because we have become that light. When we allow God to transform us, our lives will transform the world. N.T. Wright often says “we are to be for our world what Jesus was for His”; which we can never do unless we see ourselves as His brothers and sisters. When we look at the gospels do we identify with Jesus or Judas? Are we willing to dust off our crowns and be light and salt in this broken world? Can we set aside our broken narcissistic identities and embrace the Holy Adoption we have received? Can we truly be citizens of heaven?