I love getting messed up, in fact most of the time i feel like i am living in the constant flow of a spiritual current that unrelentingly brings the beautiful chaos of life to the center of my soul. I don’t want to fight that flow and yet i have to find a way to struggle with it in order to be fully wiped out by it. This envision conference has done more to cause an unvisioning than an envisioning. Not that it was pure deconstruction but that it was such a contrast to the majority of my experience that I am now forced to find a new type of vision, and to be honest it is a scary thing to own a new vision that has the possibility of not just being new but actually being something that the old vision would see as a pure and violent conflict.
A beautiful picture i was given was by this rabbi i was listening to, he spoke first of pre creation in this way. Before God there was no space, nothing but God, he was all in all and there was nothing else. Than out of his divine love he pulled back himself to make the space to create, it was like him breathing in deeply before breathing out and speaking creation into being. It took that empty space to create, a withdrawal was needed to birth something new. This is me drawing back, creating space, allowing for a void that might be filled with something more beautiful and more meaningful.
We all love to fill all of our time with stuff, or we hate it but feel compelled to do it. The empty space can be intimidating and unnerving. I am not even sure exactly how to take this deep breath in, but i must. Something new and crazy will hopefully fill this new space, that His kingdom of peace and beauty would overwhelm my life and radically change my world. I have been standing at the edge of God’s power and deep darkness for to long, Its not enough to stand here anymore. Time to engage the kingdom, pray for me.
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